I have made the decision to throw out all my daughter’s baby clothes. For more than two years I’ve been hanging onto them, with the excuse that they can be used for the “next baby”, and it’s taken me this long to realise that – for now, at least – there will be no “next baby”. What I have finally admitted to myself is that in actual fact, I am trying to hang on to the baby that was, the one who is now a toddler – walking, talking, even taking herself to the toilet when nature calls. Whilst my baby has been growing up, I have not!
The tiny sleepsuits, adorable winter beanies, socks and booties are clear reminders of those first few beautiful months. But I don’t want to hang onto them any longer. With all the ambitions that take over my mind on a daily basis, it might be another three years before this “next baby” shows its face. In the meantime the clothes will just sit in a room, taking up space and acquiring a yellowish tinge that will make them appear unsuitable for any baby in the future.
But it got me thinking again how many times things like this can mirror what is really going on in our lives. We can hang onto things in fear of losing the slice of life we feel we will miss without them, the fear of the change that will come about if we let go. For example, we hang onto friends that don’t make us feel good, old habits, past hurts and damaging thought patterns that no longer serve us or that have a negative impact on our wellbeing – all because of fear.
In this very same way I am physically hanging onto my daughter’s baby clothes because… I miss that period in my life. But until I allow myself to pass them on, I feel I can’t fully move on to the next phase of parenting. I am contradicting the very message I am always trying to teach my child: “You’re not a baby anymore so you don’t need a dummy / bottle / breastmilk / nappies. You’re a little girl, which is much more fun because it means you can go to the park and do other really exciting stuff.”
Indeed. Life is a journey and to move through it smoothly and gracefully, without holding on to old grudges and regrets, is truly an art.
My daughter knows that she is growing up and she is embracing the changes with great enthusiasm. I suppose this is one of the many lessons she is about to teach me about being happy in the moment, as well as embracing the inevitable – change – with a smile and an open heart.
* Zanna Taeni *
The tiny sleepsuits, adorable winter beanies, socks and booties are clear reminders of those first few beautiful months. But I don’t want to hang onto them any longer. With all the ambitions that take over my mind on a daily basis, it might be another three years before this “next baby” shows its face. In the meantime the clothes will just sit in a room, taking up space and acquiring a yellowish tinge that will make them appear unsuitable for any baby in the future.
But it got me thinking again how many times things like this can mirror what is really going on in our lives. We can hang onto things in fear of losing the slice of life we feel we will miss without them, the fear of the change that will come about if we let go. For example, we hang onto friends that don’t make us feel good, old habits, past hurts and damaging thought patterns that no longer serve us or that have a negative impact on our wellbeing – all because of fear.
In this very same way I am physically hanging onto my daughter’s baby clothes because… I miss that period in my life. But until I allow myself to pass them on, I feel I can’t fully move on to the next phase of parenting. I am contradicting the very message I am always trying to teach my child: “You’re not a baby anymore so you don’t need a dummy / bottle / breastmilk / nappies. You’re a little girl, which is much more fun because it means you can go to the park and do other really exciting stuff.”
Indeed. Life is a journey and to move through it smoothly and gracefully, without holding on to old grudges and regrets, is truly an art.
My daughter knows that she is growing up and she is embracing the changes with great enthusiasm. I suppose this is one of the many lessons she is about to teach me about being happy in the moment, as well as embracing the inevitable – change – with a smile and an open heart.
* Zanna Taeni *
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